


Repression

by timetopretend



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6306676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetopretend/pseuds/timetopretend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were asking what it was like to date someone who absorbed the room. Someone whose fire of life was bright enough to dim everyone else in the perimeter. Do you second guess yourself? Does it make you more self conscious the more you realize the embodiment of charm has a destiny to fulfill, and there’s not a circumstance in hell that would keep Oikawa unnoticed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repression

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt on my Tumblr: 
> 
> everyone knows how much oikawa depends on iwaizumi, but what about how much iwaizumi depends on oikawa?

At first, Iwaizumi had to rent a suit whenever Oikawa received invitations to things. In ball rooms and concert halls, Iwaizumi would stand tall in someone else’s threads, watching his man conduct the room like the volleyball court itself. The conversation follows his sets, revolves around Oikawa’s god-given talent to make everyone feel included, yet at the same time somehow managing to make himself stand out even more so in the process.

It wasn’t that Iwaizumi was sick of playing the supportive role. He wasn’t complaining about the plane tickets Oikawa paid for (all the ticket stubs from Acapulco, Florence, New York, Ibiza, Baton Rouge and the like were still pressed in his wallet for safe keeping). Iwaizumi’s business was his own, and if he didn’t want to miss a game, he wasn’t going to miss a damn game. Being famous and having sponsors was a new addition to Oikawa’s life, but, to Iwaizumi, he had always been a superstar.

It gets pointed out. _“It must be hard loving someone like him.”_

They didn’t know. They were asking what it was like to date someone who absorbed the room. Someone whose fire of life was bright enough to dim everyone else in the perimeter. Do you second guess yourself? Does it make you more self conscious the more you realize the embodiment of charm has a destiny to fulfill, and there’s not a circumstance in hell that would keep Oikawa unnoticed? 

It _is_ hard. It’s terribly fucking difficult loving Oikawa, but not like they want to believe.

Iwaizumi doesn’t get jealous when he leaves Oikawa to small talk as he heads to the bar at some fancy gala in some country they’ve never been to. It doesn’t tear at his heart strings when other men make Oikawa laugh, and buy him drinks till he stays out too late. Sometimes, Iwaizumi will head back to the hotel room before Oikawa is ready to end the night. It’s okay. Oikawa isn’t a lightbulb to be turned on and off when Iwaizumi needs the glow. Oikawa is allowed to shine on his own. Loving Oikawa is knowing you will always have to share him with the world.

Altogether, Oikawa needs less now. Going professional changed him from the inside out. Iwaizumi just watched as his boyfriend grew in front of his eyes. Failure was redefined and the nights Iwaizumi needed to spend holding Oikawa tight as his sobs shook his body stopped. It should be a good thing, something Iwaizumi is thankful for. Instead, he’s scared shitless.

Oikawa always relied on Iwaizumi as his lone confidant. No one has wiped more tears or or snot than Iwaizumi. It was an equation Iwaizumi was used to. As Oikawa’s emotional dependance lessoned, it leaves Iwaizumi colder and colder. Could Oikawa reach a point where he doesn’t need him anymore? The days are coming where he can stand on his own, and where does that leave a pillar of strength when it has nothing to hold up?

They’ve reached their days of bliss, yet all Iwaizumi is waiting for is Oikawa to realizes his own revolution and discard the old parts of his life he doesn’t need anymore.

They’re in Copenhagen. Iwaizumi skips the afterparty celebrating the win and heads to the hotel room, claiming jet lag has worn him down. Oikawa is winning. He has been winning, and he will most likely keep on winning. Iwaizumi feels like he is watching the end of a movie on repeat. The happy ending on loop. Each time he feels further off center as Oikawa shakes his humanizing shell and evolves into the unrealistic heroic character.

The feel of Oikawa’s good-bye kiss sends Iwaizumi’s eyes stinging immediately. He has to turn on his heels quick to keep it to himself.

“ _I need you to need me_ ” sounds fucking pathetic. Iwaizumi has dreams where he is _crying_ it while he’s gripping on Oikawa’s shirt tail, noticeably red and white like his team’s warm-up jackets. “ _How can you not need me anymore?_ ” Iwaizumi grips on the fabric until his knuckles and face match the red on the sleeves.

Iwaizumi had been laying awake in bed for hours when Oikawa slips in. The lights are off, and even if his eyes are a little puffy from tears, Iwaizumi can’t hold back once Oikawa reaches the sheets.

They’ve been a hundred different places, but nothing matters when their skin touches, they might as well be home. There’s something deeper in their sex, and it won’t ever change. If Iwaizumi has trouble speaking, it’s better letting it out in their language, with their skin. The connection between their naked bodies is crystal clear, even when their words are fumbled.

Iwaizumi fucks him slow. He might have been prepping Oikawa well into the morning, making him come twice, with his fingers and then with his tongue, before he indulges him with his cock. Iwaizumi used to test how loud he could make Oikawa moan before the hotel staff would come knocking on the door. Now, there’s practically silence except for the slick sounds of Iwaizumi sliding home and Oikawa’s baby soft whisper.

“ _Hajime, Hajime, Hajime_ ,” Oikawa sweetly whines. From the first syllable, it sounds like Oikawa is saying “I love you” for the first time all over again. Iwaizumi hates his damn sentimental view as he starts prickling with tears yet again. Even though Iwaizumi has him in missionary, he can’t stand to look into Oikawa’s eyes.

They come practically insync, with Iwaizumi’s head cradled into the crook of Oikawa’s neck. Iwaizumi’s hold around Oikawa’s body is so tight he starts to feel pathetic again as he clings in real life to a body he’s grappling to keep as his own. 

Their breathing regulates, and Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi’s come inside him cooling and growing uncomfortable. Neither body moves, though.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa begins, breaking the silence.

“What?” Iwaizumi answers, still pressing his lips to the skin of Oikawa’s neck, desperate not to be exposed for crying while they made love.

“I couldn’t do it without you.”

“You could,” Iwaizumi rebuttals softly, but quick. Too quick.

“ _Even if I could._ I wouldn’t. Winning only feels half as good as loving you, I just…” Oikawa stammers, and Iwaizumi feels his heart lurch. “I just want you to know that I know it’s hard. I show everyone else my best smile and you are stuck holding up everything else. There’s a burden being the only one that sees the real me. I mean _shit_ , I’m flying you all over the world because I can’t let you go. I can’t be the person everyone wants me to be without being who I am with you. I need you more now than I ever have, and I just want to say I’m sorry for that.”

“You’re stronger than you’ve ever been,” Iwaizumi finds himself saying, “Don’t apologize.”

“I just wish you needed me, like I need you. You make a man feel weak, Iwa-chan. You’re so strong,” Oikawa says, and he’s cracking in tone like he’s on the verge of tears.

Iwaizumi feels his stomach clench.

“I think half of being in love is being stupid,” Iwaizumi replies. Oikawa’s rough chuckle breaks in his throat like a sob. Iwaizumi pulls up out of Oikawa’s neck and lets the tear stained cheeks be exposed. The puffiness underneath his eyes matches Oikawa’s bleary gaze.

Meeting Oikawa’s eyes makes Iwaizumi’s throat tighten. “Don’t ever second guess how much I need you. Don’t give me more credit than I deserve. You’re too busy holding me on a pedestal to realize how much I lean on you.”

“It’s okay, I guess,” Oikawa said, noticeably less stirred up, “We refuse to see each other as weak, and that’s our weakness.”

With a kiss, Iwaizumi presses his words into Oikawa’s lips. He doesn’t say it out loud, but let’s Oikawa feel it in the tender press. If he could hear Iwaizumi’s heart beating fast, he could hear it there, too. _I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> just a real short, angsty little thing.  
> thank you for checking it out <3 comments are very much appraciated
> 
> you can also find me on my tumblr, @[iwaizummi](iwaizummi.tumblr.com).


End file.
